A Merry XMas – the truth (explicit)
Regardless of your religion, in one way or another in a thousand different ways, people (and especially retail stores) join together today to celebrate Christmas with their own unique customs and traditions.
All cultures have a midwinter festival, but Christians wanted their own name for their ritual whereby they honor the glory of parking in parking lots eating live turkeys, biting the heads off of chickens and standing in lines. It is also the only time of the year when rape is considered legal, as long as it performed under mistletoe.
There is no real standard for the kind, amount, or number of Christmas gifts presented; the only real requirement is that one’s credit card balances must have gone up by at least 165% with at least one card maxed out. If the giver hasn’t achieved this, then obviously the giver doesn’t love any of the people on his Christmas list and will die horribly alone and unloved in return. Remember: bankruptcy = love at Christmastime.
Christmas is also called X-mas by fans of the X-Men, who celebrate the day as “International X-Men Day”. They believe that Jesus Christ was in fact a superhero. The Bible confirms this, listing such superpowers as healing, foretelling the future, heat vision, underwater breathing, flying, walking on water, super human strength and the ability to destroy evil with a wink of his eye and a thumbs up. Jewish and Islamic X-Men tend to believe that while Tom Jones was a hero, he was not a “super” hero.
Some believe that Santa is a kind hearted fellow who brings joy to good little girls and boys. Think about it this way: If Santa is REALLY watching you all the time, does that include when you’re in the bath or the shower? And what about when little kids are changing clothes or sleeping in the nude? Santa’s a pervert. He makes a list of all these kids names with their phone number, address & what they smell like. He then proceeds in squeezing down their chimmney and eating all their food. He then gives them gifts which he made from dead skin & his own pubes and stuck them together with reindeer (aka dog with sticks taped to it’s head) sh*t, and when its not christmas he spends his time molesting polar bears in the north pole. Hey, I’m just sayin’ it like it is.
So wishing you all a Merry X-Mas and a peaceful festive season and good time with your loved ones.