Around the dinner table

With all the social gatherings with family and friends during the festive season, you are about to run into one of those mundane “I-wish-I-was-somewhere-else” events – that’s when I took mental note of the following “double-ended” conversations over turkey and other things nice:

• I prefer breasts to legs.
• Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.
• Smother the butter all over the breasts.
• If I don’t undo my trousers, I’ll burst!
• I’ve never seen a better spread!
• I fancy a little dark meat for a change.
• Are you ready for seconds yet?
• It’s a little dry. Do you still want to eat it?
• Just wait your turn, you’ll get some!
• Don’t play with your meat!
• Stuff it up between the legs as far as it will go.
• Do you think you’ll be able to handle all these people at once?
• I didn’t expect everyone to come at the same time!
• You still have a little bit on your chin.
• How long will it take after you put it in?
• You’ll know it’s ready when it pops up.
• Just pull on the end and wait for the bang.
• That’s the biggest bird I’ve ever had.
• I’m so full. I’ve been gobbling nuts all morning.
• Wow, I didn’t think I could handle all that and still want more.

I did mention that those conversations occurred during a traditional turkey-day – yes?